In the past year, I got engaged in February, and married just last month. It’s amazing how I found someone with whom I am highly compatible. We share a lot of the same values, goals, and ideals. We even have a similar background in terms of upbringing, religion, and even politics. At the same time, there are enough differences in our personalities to keep it interesting. There is a deep, profound understanding between us. We seem to understand one another without a lot of or fear, anger, skepticism, or recrimination. I always believed I would be willing to do work in a relationship, but this one is very easy thus far, and I feel incredibly blessed and lucky to have found this level of love and compatibility in another person.
In the past year, I lost twenty pounds. I started to see a dietitian weekly, beginning in June. While I previously read a lot of books on diet and nutrition, I failed to realize there is a behavioral aspect involved. Specifically, my own behavioral aspects! My dietitian helped me realize I eat too much before an important work meeting, during parties and events where I’m uncomfortable, and at night when I’ve had a stressful day or am upset about something. Acknowledging that weight control is more about self-compassion and managing my emotions than merely counting calories and carbs — well, that’s been huge, in terms of weight loss and my own happiness.
I’ve also changed a lot of my thoughts in the past year. I used to be rather militant with myself: Sky-high goals, heavy on the self-criticism, super heavy on the self-pressure to succeed. I was all about the destination, but I’ve started to slow down, relax more, and enjoy the journey. This year I’ve come to acknowledge that I’ll never be happy with myself unless I start to be loving and accepting towards myself now, no matter how well the business does, how much weight I lose, how pretty I look, or how many years I’ve been happily married. I’ve started to develop self-compassion, and that’s been wonderfully freeing.
On that same thread, I used to define success by my bank account, the appearance of my home, the car that I drive, the clothes I wear, and my outward appearance of wealth. But I’ve started to redefine that. I now define “success” by being the kind of person who loves and accepts herself unconditionally. The kind of person who is responsible, reliable, and dependable. The kind of person who does what needs to be done for her family and for the team. The kind of person who is open-minded, accepting, and understanding of others. This kind of success is much easier to obtain on a daily basis, and unlike outward signs of wealth-related success, it is not a moving target. With wealth, it seems enough is never enough. But with inward success, enough is always enough, and your best is always acceptable. That, to me, is true achievement now.
That’s been my amazing year thus far! As always, you can reach me at nicki[at]futurederm[dot]com with any questions, comments, or ideas.
Love,
Nicki