“It’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what’s changed is you.” -Eric Roth
What I enjoyed just a few short months ago suddenly doesn’t seem as pleasurable. It’s strange. All of a sudden, I’m not enjoying shopping or running or spa treatments or looking around on Facebook in my spare time.
I don’t know what it is. I’m not depressed. I am doing well, pretty happy. But it’s like I am in search of something. What it is, I don’t know.
In anthropology, this type of period is called the liminal period, or liminality. It’s technically defined as the quality of ambiguity or disorientation that occurs in the middle stage of rituals (I got that from Wikipedia), but it’s also referred to in psychology as the period before action. I’m in that now. I’m on the cusp of something, but I’m not sure what.
In the meantime, I’m trying to put my perfectionistic “must be in control, must know what’s going to happen” tendencies on the side and just roll with it. I started writing a book for FutureDerm. I started working longer hours. I started writing another book that is not for FutureDerm (fiction, if you must know, though if I try to publish, it’ll probably be under a pseudonym so as to not have my name associated with skincare and fiction). And, as much as I don’t care for the phrase, I guess I’m leaning in to what feels right and accepting that I might finally be growing up and changing.
So bear with me. I feel like I’m on the cusp of something great, but just figuring out what exactly that is.
Love,
Nicki
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